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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last
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Product details
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 8 hours and 3 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Tantor Audio
Audible.com Release Date: March 27, 2012
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B007P4VZ6C
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
I learned so much about myself and my wife's style of marital conflict through this book. I listened to it on the way too and from work and there are some helpful exercise that you can discuss with your wife. I moved onto the 7 Principles book after, but I do believe this should be a prerequisite. Without first understanding why you both argue the way you do, especially if you have different styles, you won't be as effective at putting the 7 Principles to work. I also found the 7 Principles to build upon the foundation that this book had already created for me. The reinforcement from the 7 Principles has already became identifiable in my life. I found this book to be a little dated at first, but on an optimistic note, people have had the same problems as everyone else generation after generation. If you're teetering on the edge, buy this book, then the 7 Principles.
Do your marriage a favor and read this book with your spouse. My wife and I read and discussed one chapter a day and it proved to be a great guide for discussion. Not preachy and not filled with religious BS like several others I tried to read. The first chapters are just him fluffing his ego but it does give some credibility to his results and advice. Read this before you read the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, it lays the foundation you will need for the more "soft" discussions the Seven Principles books leads you through. Skip the Gary Chapman love languages book, this book is actually effective and getting the real problems in your marriage out on the table so you can solve them. This book saved my marriage.
John Gottman has studied quirks of marital pairs for decades and has reported his findings on every TV program you can imagine (e.g., Oprah, 20-20, etc.). Great research insights and clear applications. I have my patients read this text because it is readable, although dealing with deeper issues than most, and exercises/applications are readily grasped. cl
I bought Dr. Gottman's book after his visit to Ireland in 1997 and was struck by his quote to the media that "Successful marriages are always those where 'emotionally intelligent' husbands are 'making maps' of their wives' psychological world. Whether it was this advice, or the fact that I married a wonderful Irish lady who is way smarter and far more 'emotionally intelligent' than I am, I don't know, but we are still married after 34 years and looking forward to the next 34 (God willing!).While this book can tend towards the academic at times in the earlier chapters,it comes into its own as a practical guide at around Chapter Seven with its "Four Keys to Improving Your Marriage' and continues to offer invaluable practical advice until the end.I would recommend this book for anyone in a relationship and congratulate Dr. Gottman on his contribution to human understanding.
It's tough for me to rate this book as three stars, because as a student of families and relationships, John Gottman's research on married couples is a huge piece of how we know how to help people in relationships. After getting the "abbreviated version" of his research in undergraduate classes, I was excited to read the whole, in-depth enchilada. Here were my problems with this book:1) too much time is spent bragging to/assuring the reader that the research conducted at Gottman's lab was groundbreaking and amazing. The fact is, the vast majority of the couples Gottman studied were white, well-educated, and had economic advantages. He also exclusively studied heterosexual couples. If your demographics deviate from those of his core research participants, this book may be less helpful for you.2) to an almost laughable degree, women are identified as the "problem starters" in the examples of couples in the book. Escalation in conflict is assumed to be because of physiological (so, basically, unchangeable) attributes of the man and behavioral (controllable) choices of the woman. We know now that the gendered behavior described in this book is far more learned and socialized than genetic and innate, and I believe that future editions of this book should be updated to reflect this evolving knowledge.With that being said, if you are like the individuals in the couples Gottman studied- predominantly white, well-educated, and financially a-ok- you may find that much of this book rings true, and that you can identify yourself and your marriage amongst the marriage types, "4 horsemen of the apocalypse", and gendered behavior. His advice about how to categorize and navigate conflict is helpful in any conflict, not just marital conflict.
Great book on marriage. Has insights I have not seen anyplace else. My only frustration with this book is that it covers three styles of marriages / marriage preferences.VolatileValidatingAvoidantIt mentions that a husband with a validating style and a woman with a avoidant style can lead to a stable but very unhappy marriage. But then it is VERY VAGUE on specific suggestions for this marriage type. In fact, in chapter 6, it does not even aknowledge that this paring can take place when it offered specific suggestions for other parings.So you are left to try to muddle through on your own and figure out the best approach.
No one picking up such a book is probably in a good space within their relationship but in doing so they, like me, have hope. Clearly written, with well thought out dialogue and interactive profiling to assist and identify strengths and weaknesses within your own relationships. Great tool for couples seeking to remain together, and seeking the best in one another.
Very Eye opening and so far a very good book on WHAT TO DO and WHAT TO NOT DO.. All the time leaving the choice of your marriage to the partners within that relationship. .. do you want to be there? Then here is a book telling you how YOU can CHOOSE to be there
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